! Hey Lindsay !

Newsflash-> I AM NOT GROWN!!!

2006-11-04T11:56:00.000-08:00

I do not feel as though I am grown I never have. I've made decisions that I guess others felt were made because I "Think that I'm grown." To me they were mistakes or actions that I chose to make because I either felt that I should, wanted to, or was just making a stupid irresponsible mistake. Before I did any of these thing I did NOT say to myself "Hmmm this is what grown people do and I'm grown so I'll have sex or curse or drink or do anything I want because I am grown." I absolutely know that I am 17 years old and will not be 18 years old until September 10 of 2007. And even when I am 18 I still won't be grown. I don't know everything because if I did then I wouldn't have done some of the things I have regrettably done already. To be honest I don't understand what people say when they say "You think you are grown." Is it something that they were told when they were young and felt that was fitting for this situation. Maybe they honestly think that we do feel that we are grown and know everything. Who knows but I do know some things like I am not a grown women nor will I be anytime soon it will take lessons, mistakes, triumphs and downfalls. My words may sound angry but I am nothing close to that feeling. I am frustrated with myself and others. Myself because I don't know ALL the answers and I probably will make more mistakes, but I will try to listen and learn and not make those mistakes again...Hmmmm.....If I'm not mistaken that's a part of GROWING. So maybe I don't think I am GROWN but I am trying to GROW into somebody who will become someone better and someone who knows a lot more then what I know now. What I know now is nothing compared to what I will know some distant distant faraway time from now when I am grown. And according to my mother you are grown when your mother dies (lol) so hopefully I won't be grown for a very very long time.

Sweet November

2006-10-31T10:30:00.001-08:00

Is it just me or was my October just the worst month ever? Just nothing seems to be working out how I would like it to. I even lost a family member to top everything off. Basically I WANT TO GO HOME!!! I miss everything and everyone I just have no words but a big humongoid scream! I just hope November will bring much better days. I am supposed to be going home for a visit but ofcourse my mom tells me I might not be able to. What i really want to do is go to sleep wake up for prom and go back to sleep and wake up for graduatin. Is that so hard to ask for? Oh yeah the Jury is still out on MyBoo who will now be called LiteBrite from now on. But for now I'm just waiting for my sweet November because this October has been for lack of a better word, sour as hell.

You like ME ?!?

2006-10-23T10:30:00.000-07:00

I have a new friend we'll call him BooBoo. I went out with him last weekend and we had a wonderful time. We talked and talked and then we talked some more. I felt like I had known him forever. He is sweet, compassionate, intelligent, goofy, not to mention just plain foine. The other night he actually told me he liked me (I know I sound like a babbling little girl). I just couldn't believe it YOU ,the cutest guy I've met up here with the perfect for me personality, likes me !?! What? You gotta be kidding me of all of the model type skinny winny uppity females they have strolling around here who would love to be under your amr you pick not too little old me? A short pleasently plump girl with short cut hair and fat cheeks, me? Okay so it has'nt even been a week and I'm waiting for the ball to drop. I waiting for him to say he can't handle a girl like me or just say or do somthing stupid. I knoooow yall out there sayin "This girl trippin!" but I am just being real. So I'm going to sit back and enjoy this wonderful person and try not to worry about any negativity. Ya'll pleeease pray that he's what I think he is... A Blessing.?.

Rainy Dayz

2006-09-13T10:03:00.001-07:00

You know that wonderful drowsy feeling you get when it rains that makes you just want to bundle up and knock out. Well yeah its wonderful at home when you have the freedom to do that but when your butt is stuck at school with rain pouring down the windows in the middle of your calculas class and your teacher sounds like the "Clear Eye Man " its really the last thing you need while trying to figure out the vectors in a polynomial function. So as I sat facing my classmates in a huge circle that my teacher made with the desks I began to fall asleep. I tried everything humanly possible to stay awake "focus on Mr. Hanks words then on his brown teeth" then my eyes began to drop. All of a sudden a piercing voice from a fellow student rang out. "Man Mr. Hank I just don't understand this, you are giving us our books and telling us that we are using them for outside work only...and so what are we supposed to do when we get here teach ourselves?" Mr. Hank went about trying to explain that for you to truly learn you have to teach yourself by understanding what I explain to you BUT I am not teaching you I am only guiding you to teach yourself. Now to me that was pretty easy to understand but this kid went into a long discussion full of attitude about how nothing he was saying made sense. I just wanted to shake her and say "If you would just listen to what the man is saying and stop trying to make your point (that doesnt make sense anyway) you would understand." I was very close to telling her just that when the class got quiet and then busted out laughing. When I looked up my friend Karryn told me that I was snoring. "SNORING!! Are you serious I was just listening to everything that that girl was saying oh my God!!!" Shortly afterwards everyone had forgotten about my snoring fit, except for me. I couldn't believe it how did i hear everythig this girl said but not me snoring!? Well what did I learn from this RAIN SUCKS !!!!!!

Procrastihater

2006-09-12T10:51:00.000-07:00

I thought I had grown out of my procrastinating ways until I woke up this morning and realized I have tons of scholarships to apply to, Colleges apply to, an ACT test to take (again) and to apply to all the colleges I want to go to by November. What the HELL am I laying here for. I guess I just want this college thing to fall directly into my lap. (Thatsjust my laziness busting through) But I'm realizing I really have to do this and nobody is going to do this for me. I can't just drop this task off and pick it up when I graduate and be ready for college? So my lazy butt just has to get up and start the work....great!...................................................okaaay I'm still laying here.Maybe I'm waiting for a lightbulb to go off or a buzzer to sound, either wat I can see this is going to take great effort.

Happy Birthday?

2006-09-10T21:13:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to me? Well it didn't quite start off that way. I woke up with a pounding headache it took my mom 50,000 hours to get up, I had to work, the check cashing place took $8.00 of my darn money, I was homesick and i didn't get to shop...........Okay that was the ungrateful self centered version. Lets see....I woke up this morning,my mommy woke up this morning, wonderful friends and customers at work gave me b-day $, I cashed my first well earned check, me and my mom went out to eat and I got 2 (Smilez and Applebees) funny b-day songs and a free strawberry sunday. I got family calls and presents from my mommie. Okay so the good outweighs the bad. Maybe my b-day wasnt as bad as I thought. Well happy b-day to me and many many more. (There will be no ungratefulness for my 18th b-day cause I'm gonna party hardy.)

In The Groove

2006-09-05T11:29:00.000-07:00

Everyone has their own groove things they do everyday in a particular fashion that fits them, their "groove". I think I am approaching that groove. My job at Wendy's is doing good school is just starting to flow me and Marvel Momma have moved into our new (way bigger) apartment with the help of Marvel Momma's fiance' BigD. He doesn't go back to La. until Thursday but he has no influence on my groove so I'm happy he's here if Marvel Momma's Happy. I really didn't have a groove since I've been up here because i really had nothin' to do. After getting over the excitement that i didn't burn down Wendy's and the cash register is still in working order I actually mastered the sandwiches. Well, not "mastered" morer of a understanding of the task with the aide of a chart.(lol) But hey i have to learn some kind of way. I enjoy working the evening shift because my co-workers are way laid back and really cooler then the "day-people" as i call them they are a whole other species.
My birthday coming up soon (Sep 10.) and i wish to celebrate me new groove with Chris Brown Concert tickets. I plan to attemd this event even if I have to climb a wall and run like chicken wing (Mike Epps Joke for all who are completely lost). But my groove is improving everyday. I got my first check last week I haven't even cashed it yet i"m thinking about saving it until i get my next one so i will have more to spend but we'll see how long that theory lasts. So hopefully I can keep this nice little groove up and not have it disturbed by sporatic moving ideas or natural disasters but you really never know what the future but I'm holding on to this darn groove with a death grip.

A JOB!!!!

2006-08-23T09:14:00.000-07:00

I have a JOB!! Well I start on Friday. I am not completely worried but my job expierence is slim to none. I have acquired a job at Wendy's it doesn't pay that much but its better then nothing. If you do not already know i am the goofiest person in the world!! I am afriad that I will make all the wrong stuff, press the wrong buttons and jam the cash register, break the frosty machine and run out the Wendy's before they kick me out. I start thursday and friday working 4:00 to 11:00 this really worries me because I would hate to ask my mom to pick me up from Wendy's at 11 o'clock at night. Ahhhh!!! What shall I do? When school starts it will be totally different I pray to God that I can get Early release and work the lunch shift because I know that 11:00pm crap is not gonna work with my mom. No freakin way! But work wise I know i won't be horrible or get kicked out I just really have to work on gettin my schedule together or Mr.Job will dissappear just as quickly as he came. so ya'll please pray that I get this mess all worked out or my next post might just be one big long scream.

Between Doing Something and Not Doing It

2006-08-21T11:37:00.000-07:00

There is a time between doing some thing and not doing something where a person says, "Hmmm should I really do this or not?". It can be something small like making your bed or huge like losing your virginity but that time is always there. The biggest lie I find myself telling people (exspecially my mother) when asked why I made a certian decision or feel a certian way is " I don't know." In reality I really do know, sometimes I am confronted with these thoughts as I contemplate expressing my choices: I feel so many things darnit I just dont know where to start or If i really say how i feel I might not like the response (less drama = good) or How can I say this without cursing, screaming at the top of my lungs, being disrespectful, or really pissing someone off.
The time between doing something and not doing something is the most stressful part of my life right now. Stress never leads to something good NEVER. Perfect example I was in the car with my mother the other da and I had a mini emotional break-down, not because my life is a total living hell right now but because most of the feelings i have been having i have kept them inside(Not wanting to stress out my mother who already has her own problems). After all the immense Boooohooing my mother basically told me to voice how i feel no matter what because everyone has there own stress and if im so busy carrying mine and trying not to add more to her then a problem is created. She let me know that in no way are my feelings goin to effect her in a negative way. Basically that helped alot.
I have made a choice to stop befoer I say "I dont know" because i do and i am open to say whatever I feel ( in my mother's case as respectably as possible). But that time when I am faced with a do or don't do decision I can't dwell on the what if's or how to's or maybe even the dont feel like it's. Because in the end I am not trying to have another darn eotional break down so help me God!!!!